The Internet Phenomenon Post (Sorry)
Recently I have been accused of not being a real blogger, because I never include any of the typical blogger cliches that are going around at the time. Personally, I don't really know what those ever are because, frankly, I'm not really one of those computer-type guys. I even only recently found out that they have Internet on computers now. But I don't like disappointing people, so I will do my best to address whatever things seem computer nerd-like to me. Here goes.
The Best Dumb Blond Joke Ever
OK, so this seems like a mainstay on Blogs these days, so it's the first cliche that I'll tackle. Now, I try to run a nice, family-orientated approach to sports humour, so I won't post this joke here. It is pretty funny, though, if not a little off-colour, so here is a link to somewhere that I think you can find it. http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/blond_joke/ It really just might be the funniest dumb blonde joke ever.
Anyway, now with that unpleasantness behind us, I turn back to one of my favourite blonds lately - Bjorn Borg. I had mentioned that he was going to sell his Wimbledon trophies, and then in a later post I mentioned that he changed his mind in part because Andre Agasi convinced him not to. That was hearsay, however, and apparently it was really John McEnroe who really convinced him. Can anyone else picture how these conversations went? For some reason I see Borg sitting in a really high chair, with Mac looking up at him, shouting "Borg, what is this? Have you gone completely nuts? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY GAME! ANSWER MY QUESTIONS YOU JERK!!!!" Some things really aren't worth a half a million dollars, and clearly John McEnroe badgering you is at the top of that list. I for one don't blame Borg for his change of mind, there's really only so much Mac you can take. Anything over 2 minutes and you're a better man than I. As Borg said, "...but clearly McEnroe convinced me".
Yes, I know most of you were expecting a different "blond" to come under this headline. Probably Maria Shaipova, maybe even perhaps Anna Kournikova. Well you should be ashamed of yourselves. This is the last day of Women's History month, and for one more day we must respect women. For one more day.
Snakes on a Plane
I'm going to skip over the normal questions : When did Samuel L Jackson physically turn into a parody of Samuel L Jackson? Is Tom Arnold really still an actor? How could anyone not want to see a movie such such an amazing trailer? : and get right to the goods.
The topic at hand involves the Toronto Blue Jays - namely Aaron Hill, Russ Adams, AJ Burnett and Roy Halladay. Hill and Adams. Hill and Adams became good friends last season, and were to butt of many jokes because of it, so when Halladay and Burnett developed a similar relationship this year the other Dynamic Duo were quick to turn the tables. The problem is, when you're taking on guys who make over a million dollars a month you're asking for trouble. Not only did they pay for an airplane to fly a sign over morning practice saying "Aaron, will you marry me. I love you. Russ", but they followed it up with an entire wedding reception in the clubhouse. Not just some guys standing around saying that's what it was, but a professionally catered and decorated function, complete with seat covers, floral arrangements and a tall wedding cake with Russ and Aaron on the top. They even had wedding invitations made, a DJ, and a videographer, and flew a second plane by later in the day saying "Congrats Russ and Aaron". Keep in mind also that all this had to be set up in the clubhouse in the time span of a normal mornings workout.
As someone who is currently planning a wedding (yes, the lady I refer to as "The Wife" is really just "The Fiance" at this point, although she is much more than that in my heart), such an elaborate plan is almost unfathomable. If Roy and AJ can plan an entire wedding in such a short amount of time, I want to hire them to get ours done. I'm not sure, though, that I can afford either their rate of pay, or the people and plans they would pick out.
The point of all this, I suppose, is that when tomorrow rolls around and you're trying to decide who should be the target of your April Fools prank, the best thing to do is aim for someone in a tax bracket below yours. You don't want to come out of it with a car looking like this, that's for sure.
Chuck Norris Doesn't Do Push-Ups, Push-Ups Do Chuck Norris
Even I have seen these nuisances popping up all over the place. I heard that if I try to compare anything in the world to demi-god Chuck Norris, then he'll sneak up on me with a round house kick to the baby-maker. While there may be a chance that such a thing isn't true, it's not a chance I'm willing to take. So instead of using this as a lead-in, I've just included footage of Chuck Norris himself on a sports show. I think it's him reading his 10 favourite Chuck Norris facts, or something like that. For a nerd thing it's actually not that bad.
All your Base Are Belong To Us
I'm not even slightly sure what this could mean, but I see it from time to time. Do not, and I repeat do NOT explain it to me. There are certain thing's that I just never need to know. This, I am almost certain, is the definition of that category, along with Star Wars references and Cold Play lyrics. Normal people just don't need to understand these things. But anyway, the Oilers sit in 8th place in the Western Conference, behind Vancouver, Colorado and Calgary. The reason for this? All their base are belong to the Minnesota Wild. In 7 games so far, the hapless Wild are 5-2 against the Oilers, while they are 6-11-1 against the rest of the division. If the Wild still weren't in the league, the Oilers would be in first place in the division and in the 3rd seed for the playoffs. Calgary and Colorado wouldn't be far behind, but it still makes a big difference. From here on in, each of the Northwest division teams has a single game left against the wild. As they fight the Sharks and the Canucks for the last 2 spots, the Oilers are going to need to find a way to win that game if they want to make the playoffs. It doesn't look too promising if the season up until this point is any indication.
Star Wars Kid
No, I will never Star Wars in this forum. I don't know what the Star Wars Kid is, and I don't want to. This article is over.
The Best Dumb Blond Joke Ever
OK, so this seems like a mainstay on Blogs these days, so it's the first cliche that I'll tackle. Now, I try to run a nice, family-orientated approach to sports humour, so I won't post this joke here. It is pretty funny, though, if not a little off-colour, so here is a link to somewhere that I think you can find it. http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/blond_joke/ It really just might be the funniest dumb blonde joke ever.
Anyway, now with that unpleasantness behind us, I turn back to one of my favourite blonds lately - Bjorn Borg. I had mentioned that he was going to sell his Wimbledon trophies, and then in a later post I mentioned that he changed his mind in part because Andre Agasi convinced him not to. That was hearsay, however, and apparently it was really John McEnroe who really convinced him. Can anyone else picture how these conversations went? For some reason I see Borg sitting in a really high chair, with Mac looking up at him, shouting "Borg, what is this? Have you gone completely nuts? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY GAME! ANSWER MY QUESTIONS YOU JERK!!!!" Some things really aren't worth a half a million dollars, and clearly John McEnroe badgering you is at the top of that list. I for one don't blame Borg for his change of mind, there's really only so much Mac you can take. Anything over 2 minutes and you're a better man than I. As Borg said, "...but clearly McEnroe convinced me".
Yes, I know most of you were expecting a different "blond" to come under this headline. Probably Maria Shaipova, maybe even perhaps Anna Kournikova. Well you should be ashamed of yourselves. This is the last day of Women's History month, and for one more day we must respect women. For one more day.
Snakes on a Plane
I'm going to skip over the normal questions : When did Samuel L Jackson physically turn into a parody of Samuel L Jackson? Is Tom Arnold really still an actor? How could anyone not want to see a movie such such an amazing trailer? : and get right to the goods.
The topic at hand involves the Toronto Blue Jays - namely Aaron Hill, Russ Adams, AJ Burnett and Roy Halladay. Hill and Adams. Hill and Adams became good friends last season, and were to butt of many jokes because of it, so when Halladay and Burnett developed a similar relationship this year the other Dynamic Duo were quick to turn the tables. The problem is, when you're taking on guys who make over a million dollars a month you're asking for trouble. Not only did they pay for an airplane to fly a sign over morning practice saying "Aaron, will you marry me. I love you. Russ", but they followed it up with an entire wedding reception in the clubhouse. Not just some guys standing around saying that's what it was, but a professionally catered and decorated function, complete with seat covers, floral arrangements and a tall wedding cake with Russ and Aaron on the top. They even had wedding invitations made, a DJ, and a videographer, and flew a second plane by later in the day saying "Congrats Russ and Aaron". Keep in mind also that all this had to be set up in the clubhouse in the time span of a normal mornings workout.
As someone who is currently planning a wedding (yes, the lady I refer to as "The Wife" is really just "The Fiance" at this point, although she is much more than that in my heart), such an elaborate plan is almost unfathomable. If Roy and AJ can plan an entire wedding in such a short amount of time, I want to hire them to get ours done. I'm not sure, though, that I can afford either their rate of pay, or the people and plans they would pick out.
The point of all this, I suppose, is that when tomorrow rolls around and you're trying to decide who should be the target of your April Fools prank, the best thing to do is aim for someone in a tax bracket below yours. You don't want to come out of it with a car looking like this, that's for sure.
Chuck Norris Doesn't Do Push-Ups, Push-Ups Do Chuck Norris
Even I have seen these nuisances popping up all over the place. I heard that if I try to compare anything in the world to demi-god Chuck Norris, then he'll sneak up on me with a round house kick to the baby-maker. While there may be a chance that such a thing isn't true, it's not a chance I'm willing to take. So instead of using this as a lead-in, I've just included footage of Chuck Norris himself on a sports show. I think it's him reading his 10 favourite Chuck Norris facts, or something like that. For a nerd thing it's actually not that bad.
All your Base Are Belong To Us
I'm not even slightly sure what this could mean, but I see it from time to time. Do not, and I repeat do NOT explain it to me. There are certain thing's that I just never need to know. This, I am almost certain, is the definition of that category, along with Star Wars references and Cold Play lyrics. Normal people just don't need to understand these things. But anyway, the Oilers sit in 8th place in the Western Conference, behind Vancouver, Colorado and Calgary. The reason for this? All their base are belong to the Minnesota Wild. In 7 games so far, the hapless Wild are 5-2 against the Oilers, while they are 6-11-1 against the rest of the division. If the Wild still weren't in the league, the Oilers would be in first place in the division and in the 3rd seed for the playoffs. Calgary and Colorado wouldn't be far behind, but it still makes a big difference. From here on in, each of the Northwest division teams has a single game left against the wild. As they fight the Sharks and the Canucks for the last 2 spots, the Oilers are going to need to find a way to win that game if they want to make the playoffs. It doesn't look too promising if the season up until this point is any indication.
Star Wars Kid
No, I will never Star Wars in this forum. I don't know what the Star Wars Kid is, and I don't want to. This article is over.