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Thursday, April 13, 2006 

Angry Toyota Sell Out Day

Today was one of those days. To top it all off, in our own parking garage, in a rather upscale apartment building, for the second day in a row our car was keyed. We just moved spots, by order of building "management", to a place that was way too small for 2 cars, and also beside the levels entrance to the building. Despite arguments by my sister and my fiance (the two cars owners) about the idiocy of the whole situation, we were forced into said spots. After 4 days, our car has been keyed twice. This second attack was down two whole panels and the trunk. Who does something like this in their own enclosed parking lot? There is no way this second one was an accident. As is the case in any good hockey organization, we've come to the point where it's time to send in the enforcer. We will be parking in different spots, and we will be parking for free. If there's one good thing about the 40 pounds I've put on in the last year and a half, it's that you can be a lot more intimidating at 6'2" 200 pounds, than 6'2" 160 pounds. The sad thing is that it shouldn't have to come to sending in the enforcers. There should have been understanding in the first place for the ladies concerns, but secondly you shouldn't have to be concerned about intentional destruction along with the normal risks. Just like in hockey, additional equipment in the league should not have lead to a more risky game and more injuries, but it did. And the instigator rule, in theory, should not lead to more injuries, but that's not how the human condition works. If someone isn't worried about repercussions like John Kordic coming in and feeding him his own nose, then he's less likely to pull up if an opponent is in an awkward position.

While this is true of humans, that doesn't make it right. And in hockey, as in life, it is just getting out of hand. I am very disappointed by the lack of common courtesy that apparently exists in this day and age. If any of you finds yourself considering keying a car, or following through a little too much on a check, or even not returning a message from your mom, please stop for a second and give common courtesy a second thought. For me. That way this horrible day, and this waste of what could have been a great article won't be for nothing. Even if just one little inconvenience is avoided somewhere in the world, I'll be vindicated a little bit. And that's what life is all about - vindicating minor occurrences in the life of Sports Guy North.

The other main problem is that my Fiance's car is a Saturn. Unlike a normal car, the thing is plastic or fiberglass or whatever non-steel thing it is. You key it hard enough, and it becomes a pain to fix. Steel can be hammered out, plastic cannot. This makes all of this a bigger pain. It would be great to be able to get a new car, but the Big Dawg has 3.3 years worth of payments left on her car, and what she'd be able to sell it for at this point is likely less than the payments she has left on it. So here is my new plan - I need a car company to step up and help us out. Ideally, I would be looking for them to take her car as a trade in for the exact value of the payment needed to buy it outright, then sell a car to us at cost. Nothing fancy, even just your run of the mill $22,000 sedan, small SUV or even a van if need be. In exchange, the company would become the sole advertiser on Sports Guy North, and no matter where my writing career goes they would get free advertising for my entire existence in a prominent place on whatever I am writing. The car they sell us would also have some of that graphic advertising on it, for the car company or whomever else they would get as a sponsor. I would also likely mention their products with great frequency. Basically, I'm so angry right now, I'm willing to completely sell out for a small amount of help in return. As an example, let's say Toyota steps up and takes the deal (I'm fairly certain at this point GM would never be interested after my glowing review of our Saturn). They have a joint contest with the NBA right now, so I would certainly post a press release for the contest, as well as a video. It would look something like this:

Press Release

-- Fans Have a Chance to go 1on1 with Carmelo Anthony, Marc Ecko or Jermaine Dupri --

Houston, Feb. 16 -- Toyota and the National Basketball Association (NBA) have teamed up to give fans the chance to go one-on-one with icons in the sports, fashion or music world by placing a vote for the best NBA play of the week.

One Grand Prize winner will have the opportunity to “Get Game” with Denver Nuggets star Carmelo Anthony, “Get Style” with fashion and media icon Marc Ecko, or “Get Beats” with music mogul Jermaine Dupri.

To participate in the contest fans log on to Toyota1on1.com to vote for one of three video clips showing the best plays of the week from NBA action. Votes can be cast every day via the website or by text messaging PLAY to t1on1 on a mobile phone. Each vote enters that person into a sweepstakes with a weekly prize featuring an IPod Shuffle, NBA merchandise or Ecko clothing.

At the end of the promotion, one Grand Prize winner will be chosen from all the people who have voted for the plays of the week. That Grand Prize winner will have a choice of going “1on1” with Anthony, Ecko or Dupri.

“Basketball fans have diverse interests and through Toyota 1on1 we wanted to give them a chance to really pursue their passion, whether it's on the court with Carmelo Anthony, learning about fashion from Mark Ecko or getting a deep dive into the music industry with Jermaine Dupri,” said Jim Farley, Toyota Vice President of Marketing.

Each of the icons is a standout in his business:

Carmelo Anthony

NBA rising star, Carmelo Anthony, was drafted No. 3 in 2003 by the Denver Nuggets and started in all 82 games that year. Anthony was selected as the 2005 Rookie Challenge MVP, a member of the 2004 U.S. Senior Men's National team and was the third-youngest player in the NBA to reach the 2,000 point mark.

Marc Ecko

From fashion to footwear, gaming to publishing, Marc Ecko is an artist, designer and entrepreneur who stands out for his ability to fuse the many parts of today's multicultural society into seamless, relevant styles and trends. Ecko heads the full-scale global fashion and lifestyle company, which last year alone billed more than $1 billion.

Jermaine Dupri

Grammy Award winning music mogul, Jermaine Dupri, has 20 years of experience in the music industry and is the founder and CEO of So So Def Recordings and president of Black Music at Virgin Records. Dupri has helmed the release of platinum albums for Janet Jackson, Usher, Mariah Carey and Bow Wow, to name a few.

In addition to being able to view and vote for the best plays of the week on Toyota1on1.com, the website will link to video profiles of some of the top NBA players on “Toyota Moving Forward Moments,” appearing on NBA TV and NBA.com, a photo blog where people can submit their “Fan of the Week” photos, a listing of the celebrity icons' favorite tunes and online versions of some of the unique games from the Toyota Zone at the NBA All-Star Game Jam Session.


Toyota established operations in the United States in 1957 and currently operates ten manufacturing plants including one under construction. There are more than 1,400 Toyota , Lexus and Scion dealerships in the U.S. which sell more than 2 million vehicles a year. Toyota directly employs more than 32,000 people in the U.S. and its investment here is currently valued at more than $13 billion, including sales and manufacturing operations, research and development, financial services and design.

No purchase necessary. Sweepstakes ends 5/1/06. Void where prohibited. See official rules at Toyota1on1.com

And there you have it. An offer to be Sports Guy Norths exclusive sponsor, as well as free advertising anywhere my career happens to take me, in exchange for buying out a dented 1.5 year old Saturn, and providing a replacement car at cost that can even be splashed with advertising as desired. It's a great offer, so Toyota, Honda, Chrysler, Ford, Volkswagen, anyone, step up and get it while you can! Only time will tell how good of a deal you're getting. It's a gamble, but what sports fan doesn't love gambling? It's not like you'd be betting on the Canucks to make the playoffs, this here is a gamble that could actually pay off!

wish i could help you out, sports guy, but i dont sell cars, plus california and toronto are pretty far apart. you should, however, open up your offer to other products too. but your situation does suck, why cant people just be civil?

thats the funniest lead in to a press release ever. well done!

Sorry to hear about the misfortunes with the Saturn. I myself am a lot more imposing these days, weighing in at 148 instead of the 144 you knew me at. What are you going to do to try to catch whoever was doing the keying?

I'm surprised you didn't tie in the gambling thing with a blurb on McCarty!

shit guy, thats awful, but he's write it was the best lead in for a random contest press release ever.

you're too funny sometimes.

killer contest, kent, thanks. toyotas the shit

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