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Tuesday, February 21, 2006 

Brake My Wife, Please

His exuberance is perplexing

Yes, I may have tackled a little too much today. I was watching one of my favourite episodes of The Simpson’s, and I decided to write down all of the best quotes from the show, and then tackle incorporating them into headlines for today’s post. I think my temporary enthusiasm may have gotten way ahead of me, and like Michael Johnson racing Donovan Bailey, I just may have to pull up limp in the end. Unlike MJ, though, I will honestly try to give it my best shot.

Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians

I was going to write about women’s hockey under this title, but I wasn’t prepared to face that kind of backlash today. Instead I’ll talk about figure skating again. No, not in the way you are thinking. A story that was somewhat lost in Jeff Buttle’s surprising climb back up to the bronze medal position was that Weir’s fall from second to fifth had something to do with transportation problems. Apparently when asked about his poor performance he had this to say:
“I felt rushed. They changed the bus schedule; I missed the bus, and had to jump in a car. I never caught up to myself and my body didn't catch up."
How do you train for four years with one goal in mind, and then miss the bus? I don’t care what they do to the bus schedule, you don’t miss it. You just don’t. And if you do, and are still able to get there on time, shake it off. 4 years versus 5 minutes of inconvenience. Yikes. There isn’t a single athlete in the world that would have acted that way. Not a single athlete.

I said bishop to queen 4!

2 more fourth place finishes for Canada today, including the gorgeous Kelly Vanderbeek, to take them to a total of 7 4th place finishes thus far. That’s an alarming number of people in the first loser position. If any of these athletes put up slightly more effort to bring home the hardware, Canada would be leading all countries in the medal race.

Martha I want a divorce

Well, apparently the wife isn’t too happy with all of the pictures of girls that have been popping up on my site lately, culminating in the possibly misplaced photo of Maria yesterday that was accompanied by no mention of tennis (please not, today's headline is the title of the Simpson's episode, and not a comment on my wife in particular!). To make this up to her, in today’s post everywhere I wanted to include a picture of a girl, instead a picture of Valerie will be in it’s place. I hope this doesn’t cause you too much confusion, and reassures my lady that she is still the prettiest girl in the world to me. For now.

Oh George you made me so happy

And by George, I mean Teddy. The Teddy Roger’s Sportsnet channel is by far the best source of escape from the Olympic onslaught forced upon us these days. As they aren’t involved in Olympic coverage, they aren’t allowed to show any footage from the games. This limits the amount of Olympic coverage to 24 minutes per half hour instead of the 29 you find on TSN. It might not be much, but at least it’s something.

Please accept this free ticket to the 1939 worlds fair

That’s probably what winning the bronze medal felt like today to the American Women’s hockey team, although they’d never let on. As expected, neither the Gold nor Bronze medal games were particularly close today, as the worlds two dominant nations found themselves separated into two separate games. Gold to Canada, surprising silver to Sweden and Bronze to the states. I can’t figure out who was more devastated by Sweden’s surprise win over the USA – the Americans themselves, or the Fins, who saw any chance they had at a medal in a match-up with Sweden fly out the window. Either way, the medals went to the three countries that really play the sport, and the most dominant team won the gold. Sounds about right.

We touched hands and then we had to wash the cooties off

2 man luge. Shudder.

I want to amble... I want to saunter...

Above is a link to the box score from one of the games more unbalanced hockey match-ups between Russia and Latvia. Unlike the pitiful American team, who could hardly manage a tie against lowly Latvia, the Russians handled them with ease, winning 9-2. Well, most of the Russians handled them with ease. The Pittsburgh Penguins struggling defenseman, Sergei Gonchar, however, has continued his woeful play in Italy. In a 9 to 2 win he actually managed to be a minus two. Seriously. Check out the link above there, it really happened. While his teammates were playing hokey, Gonchar was happy as always lately to just saunter back and forth along the ice. If anyone in Pittsburgh should have retired before ruining his legacy forever, it’s Gonchar. I think after his Olympic performance it may be officially too late.

You shake me from my bootie to my fro

This here is just a shout out to all of the fine ladies of women’s tennis. We haven’t forgotten about you all in these Olympic daze. You’re always on our minds in some form or another.

You can’t walk to Turkmenistan

Then I guess it’s a good thing that the other Turks aren’t in on the bidding for the 2014 Olympics. Surprisingly, neighbouring nations Georgia and even Kazakhstan are in on the running, and since most people in those countries can’t afford to do anything but walk, it’s a good thing no one said that you couldn’t walk there. The entire list of 2014 hopefuls is:

Almaty, Kazakhstan
Borjomi, Georgia
Jaca, Spain
Pyeongchang, South Korea
Salzburg, Austria
Sochi, Russia
Sofia, Bulgaria

I guess they’ve run out of elite countries to hold the competition in. You have to think that this one will come down to Jaca vs. Salzburg, and I know I for one am rooting for South Korea. I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to go to any events no matter which of those cities win, so since I’m up all hours of the night, and can’t watch anything during the day, something in the far east time zones suits my schedule the best. I can’t miss my 2-man luge fix. I just can’t.

My feet are inside me

Someone did a search for “ruutu, jagr, tackle” that ended up at my sight today, and got my hopes up that something cool happened before the check in Saturdays game. You know, something involving Jagr tackling Ruutu, and maybe giving him some precedent like retaliation for the dirty hit he laid on Jagr. As it turns out, it was just some soccer fan that doesn’t know what a check in hockey is called. Ruutu is just the same old ass as he has always been, and for no reason but his assiness went around Jagr’s body on the check to make sure he got his head into the boards. Classy move from a classy guy. I’m sure glad that he gets to play professional hockey, he really makes it great!

Who’s we? Got a mouse in your purse?

Oh yeah, 2 man luge again. Can’t wait to see it in person in Vancouver 2010! I’ll start recruiting places in the big cheering section sometime in 2008. Book your spot today and avoid the rush!

Commander Cool (aka me)

This one’s for you, Captain Fudge. Welcome back from Ottawa, wasn’t the same around here without you. I actually had to talk to Aaron to pass the time. No one wants that.

What should I do, Dr. Hotdog?

I received this quote from someone today, that I can’t quite tell what to do with. “aki berg looked like the real adam foote out there. he was awesome.”
If anyone out there can decipher this for me, please help. Aki Berg is horrible, but it seems like it might be a complement. On the other hand, though, Adam Foote has no business being on an international team either. E is mediocre at best, but definitely better than Aki. My hope is that the first part was a reference to Foote also sucking, despite his hype, and that the second half was sarcasm. I’m not certain about that, though, so whoever gets me the right decipher will become the new Dr. Hotdog. Good luck with this one guys.

Tonight his beloved mock apple pie will have real apples

A friend of mine made the following observation the other day regarding Chris Pronger. It likely stemmed from the incident where Pronger couldn’t handle 5 foot nothing Koivu behind the net, who then set up a goal in the process. He compared him to Sheldon Souray, by saying that he actually thought he was watching Souray in the game. This comes as no surprise to me. Even in Pronger’s MVP season I couldn’t understand why people didn’t care that Pronger is incredibly weak on defense, especially in the corners. As I’ve said before in this blog, anyone at all that wants to walk out front from the corner if he’s on the ice just gets to. Simple as that. It’s nice to see that people are finally coming to this realization I made years ago. Pronger and Souray, a carbon copy on D.

Dude - Meet me in Montana. xoxo Jesus (H. Christ)

That’s right, Jerome Bettis has signed on to join Joe Montana in NBC’s NFL studio come this fall. Hopefully this means that we will finally find out in one of the broadcasts just where Bettis is from. That unsolved question has been plaguing me for months now!

How bout a make up snuggle? It would be so rad.

As I send this to a close with today’s North American medal winners, I just hope that the pictures today were enough to get a little bit more than a make up snuggle. Goodnight everybody.

Canada:Various, Women’s Ice hockey, Gold

USA: Tanith Belbin, Ben Agosto, Ice Dancing, Silver
Various, Women’s Ice hockey, bronze

prettiest girl i've seen on your site so far...lucky you!

what have you ever dont to desrve a hot girl?

you have to wonder how gonchar was -2 when russia only gave up 2 goals, and he picked up an assist on one of russia's.

it's doable, since you dont not get a plus for being out for a powerplay goal, or a minus for being out for a goal against when killing a penalty (if you didnt know that, dont feel bad. most people dont. some will even argue with you and say its not true when you point it out to them. before i get a bunch of those comments, please look it up. its true).

it is baffling, however, that he could have been out for both goals against, and none of their many even strength goals for. Less baffling when you realize that is Sergei Gonchar we're talking abotu here.

Hey Graham, I like how you logged on at 9:15 and 2:49 and made some 'anonymous' comments that you could show your girl and earn some extra points.

Suprisingly, you're smarter than you look.

nope, not a chance. i didnt leave either of them. i did delete a couple of the more tasteless ones, but i didnt leave either of those.

the first one there smells a lot like the work of my mom, though...

Even Ginger Kids can do well for themselves - props!

Wonderful and informative web site.I used information from that site its great.
» » »

Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
» »

Very nice site! »

Excellent, love it! »

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  • Kent MacDonald
  • Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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